The bog prince

Once upon a time a long way away
A pair of queens were in dismay.
Their beautiful adopted child had gone to shit
After they had explained about it
Their love did not bring forth a child
Even if the sex was wild
For two men don’t have the matching chromosomes
But the two gay royals wanted to make a home

The princess did not understand it
Her ignorance she refused to admit
For she was 18 years old and didn’t see
That her family didn’t fit with the birds and bees
She began to resent them and rebelled all she could
She bitched and moans and pretended to be misunderstood.
She began to dress up like a slut
Though she appeared to look more like a mutt

One night she went out to a party late
Whilst drunk she broke her heel in a grate
Stumbled into the eighth bar of the night
Even though she started feeling shite
Too much vodka drank the silly girl
And began to feel like she was going to hurl.
To the bathroom did she flee
But she wasn’t going for a wee

In there she lined up her coke
And sniffed it through a twenty pound note
She injected heroine in her arm
She thought she was safe from all harm
But that’s when a fateful thing came to pass
A strange thing happened to that lass
“I wouldn’t do that if I was you!”
Something spoke; it was none other than the loo!

“Did you just speak to me oh flushing device?”
“Yes, you finally noticed me, how very nice!”
The toilet did onto her reply
“I’ve been trying to talk to you while I was under your thighs!
But into me you emptied waste
And on my life white powder your nose chased.
That is not such a way to speak to a prince!”
But of this fact the princess was not convinced.

“No prince have I seen made of white porcelain.
OR one that you can relieve yourself in!
I do not believe you oh talking bog
It’s like saying a prince could be a frog!”
The princess went to walk away.
But somehow she felt she had to stay.
There was something charming about this rude pot
And on the floor she did squat.

The bog prince told her of the curse,
That had been placed by a gypsy so perverse.
To live in this scratty pub water closet cubical.
Waiting for a beautiful gal
To kiss him and ignore the smell
And doing this she would break the spell.
Doing so they would be married the very next day
And would begin humping right away!

The princess was so charmed by the toilet that she fell at once to her knees
And she considered kissing him and tried not to breath
The smell from the toilet was so foul
Then again it had come from her bowels
She kissed the toilet upon the rim
And stood a little way back from him.
But no transformation did occur
“What trickery is this!” said her.

“You daft bat, you’re stoned as shit
you’re eighteen and you still believed it.
I’m not really talking dear princess
You’re just so high you’re in a mess.
You just kissed a toilet in a dirty bar
Now don’t you find that a little bizarre?”
The princess was horrified
And ran away and she cried

“By the way, I’d get tested for Hep C if I was you.”
The toilet called after her.