The Hare and the Turtle

Once upon a city named Tijuana,

A Turtle and a Hare were caught in the possession of Marijuana

The Hare of course blamed the slow and steady Turtle

The Turtle that was always high on speed blamed his Aunt Myrtle.

But the court system took neither case to heed.

And until the paid off stoners agreed

Who was shipping the drugs in

Both would be shipped to an enchanted forest prison south of Berlin.

 

The Hare and Turtle were shipped by night

To avoid any bates the diurnal Drug Lord might incite

And in only one night and day and a little bit more

The pair made it to the enchanted forest prison and felt hardcore.

Angry over getting caught by the Mexican law enforcement

The Turtle and the Hare did each other resent

And so they found themselves joining rival packs

The Hare a Skinhead, the Turtle a Crack Rat.

 

The prison though considered maximum security

Had one small security obscurity

On a Tuesday the prisoners were left to their own inclinations

While the guards had a poker match in their watch stations.

Never a foot out of the enchanted forest did a prisoner introduce

As the leashes they wore where not physical but chemically induced.

The prison folk often wishing for some form of entertainment

Had come to a peaceful arrangement.

 

On a Tuesday there would be a different kind of race wars

There would be bets and the rewards would be a change of chores.

It was not a race as that of their breed

But through the woods where hurdles and a chase would proceed

Being the newcomers the Hare and Turtle were selected

Though the Hare considering his new Skinhead too cool of course rejected

But a barrage of knives changed his mind rather quickly

He grinned and took his place slickly.

 

The Skinheads lined up behind Hare -

Mr Fox, The Mole and the Pelican twins knew they need not despair.

For like most reptiles the Turtle was a fan of slow and steady

They figured the race was won already!

But the Crack Rats did not fancy laundry duty for the next week

And resorted to cheat.

They gave their Champion his favourite fix

Just the right amount of speed to give him the kicks.

 

The turtle practically vibrated on the spot

Then the starting water pistol was shot

And he zoomed faster than a bat out of hell

Though the Hell Bats would disagree but we mustn’t dwell.

His feet didn’t even touch the ground

And his heart had begun to pound.

And by the time he had made it back and won…

The Hare was only by Mermaids pond!

 

The Crack Rats raised a cheer

For the Speedy Turtle had been a pioneer

In the development of their new speedy speed range

Tested for and by animal criminals in a cage.

The Skinheads did disagree

For it was plain to see

There had been foul play involved

And they would not leave this incident unresolved.

 

The Hare took his shiv made from carved carrot

From a Skinhead gang member Fraser Ferret.

And with a lunge and a hurtle

He attempted to shank poor Mr Turtle

But thanks to his trusty shell

(Which he could duck and cover in as well)

The Turtle who was addicted to speed

Ended up safe indeed.

 

And the other gangs decided it was best to rape the Hare

Because he’d acted like a bitch about the whole affair.