Cinderstella
In a land far away, once upon a time,
Lived a widowed former lord of crime,
Wife number one
Was Sister Mary Laurel, a nun
He wooed her in the church
Nine months later was giving birth
A baby girl called Cinderstella.
She made the crimelord a happy fella.
Sister Mary died in time
Now what for the Lord of crime?
Wife two, a haughty lady
With two daughters who were rather shady.
Vain yet ugly the sisters were
Not the sort the boys prefer.
The stepmother and girls
Were jealous of Cinderstella’s bleach blond curls
So they forced her to complete the housework.
While they just watched with a smirk.
One day the pransom hince charming
Gave all the ladies in the land a letter that was alarming.
A wife to be chosen at his ball
The ugly sisters began to brawl.
Then gleefully planned their clothes
Mini-skirts in leather, spandex hoes.
Cinderstella so wanted to go to the ball
But her sisters reminded her she was too small
She cried and cried and cried
For she too wanted to be the pransom hince’s bride.
The night came and all went and left Cinderstella with the broom
She sat alone on the computer talking on a naughty chat room.
“Oh I wish to go to the ball…”
“But Cinderstella, you are rather small…”
The reply startled the young girl
For behind stood a sight in pearls
Pink tutu and pink wings
A badly fitted crop top failing to hide anything
A middle aged balding male
Large beer belly with tattoos from jail
“I am the fairy Godfather” his Italian accent rung
“I wouldn’t go to the ball you’re far too young”
“But my sisters may become his bride”
“Not if the hince has any pride
But if you really wish for this
What can I do apart from assist?”
He turned her rags into a beautiful gown
But Cinderstella began to frown.
“But what about a pumpkin coach” Cinderstella cried
“Can’t you catch the bus?” The Godfather sighed.
“No I want a white horse pulled coach”
“How about having it pulled by a giant cockroach?”
He took out his ‘wand’ and waved it in the air
Cinderstella couldn’t help but stare,
And turned a roach
Into a diamond plated coach.
Then he waved again
And made a coachman out of a pumpkin!
“Now I’m all set”
The Godfather replied “Not quite yet!”
“Oh yes I forgot the glass slippers”
He frowned a little and handed over a stunning pair of diamante knickers.
“What about shoes to combine?”
“Here take these stilettos they’re mine,
These should get you past the height restriction
Be back before eight or the spell will break
And you’ll be exposed as a fake!”
“But didn’t Cinderella have ‘til midnight?” Cinderstella said
“Cinderella, Cinderstella, wasn’t thirteen, so it will be eight instead.”
Cinderstella road with style
Although the distance was less than a mile
At the ball she entranced them
And she was the one the pransom hince preferred
He took her to the side
And asked her if she’d mind
Taking a evening stroll
Or perhaps having a lay down on the grassy knoll
The fondled and fussed
And panted and thrust
Until the clock began to chime.
Cinderstella realised it was home time!
She pulled on her dress
And left the hince to clean up any mess.
Unfortunately due to too many liquors
Cinderstella left a certain pair of diamante knickers.
Cinderstella made it back
Although she noticed that she lacked
Her very expensive underwear
Was gone, leaving her bottom bare!
Meanwhile the pransom hince charming
Gave a smile that was disarming
“I will marry the girl that left these pants
(If she’s willing to get implants)”
So he rode around the land
Diamante knickers in hand
And attempted to find the fair lass
That he’d encountered upon the grass
At last he came upon the crimelord's villa
And the door was answered by a man like gorilla
Who shoved him to the ugly sisters
They attempted to squeeze into the knickers
But both had bums the size of Norway
And before they got them half way up their thighs he was out of the doorway.
But then Cinderstella came down
Cloaked in rags of dirty brown
And he made her try on the dainty pair
All the while her sisters glared
Naturally the knickers fit
The girl was legit
And he whisked her away
To save for another day
When they would be wed
But after only a week after the vows were read
Cinderstella divorced the prince
And not a day has past since
Where the Godfather and Cinderstella
Didn’t laugh at the young fella
For they’d conned him well and good.