Snow Black and the eight vertically challenged people

Once upon a time in a land far away

A king and his maid were having fun in the hay

Squealing and squawking and all that stuff

Three months later she was up the duff

The baby was born and called snow black

He looked at her once and said, “Send the fucker back!”

Unfortunately for him it was against the law

But she grew up to be the prettiest thing you ever saw

 

After exhausting all his servant girls

He eventually married a blond with curls

She was a famous big-breasted porn star

Whose assets had cum wide and far

But in the kingdom all was not well

For to the queen, a magic mirror did tell

Snow black had more action than her

For she was the one the boys prefer

 

One of the men whom she was giving pleasure

She intended on using to take a drastic measure

“Cut out snow blacks heart and give it to me” she said

“Only then are you welcome back in my bed”

He ventured to meet the poor snow black

Knowing the girl was rather slack

In a clearing they had some fun

He really enjoyed doing her up the bum

 

“What now?” Snow Black said

The woodcutter replied, “Blood must be shed”

But he couldn’t bring himself to do it

As snow black was rather fit

So he sent her into the deep dark wood

So her lacy clothes wouldn’t get covered in blood

As the heart of a pig he removed

“Well done” the stepmother later soothed

 

Snow black wandered in the depth

Until she found herself at some cottage steps

The house inside was cute and small

Even if there were naked pin ups on the wall

“I will do them a favour” sand snow black

As she cleaned remains off their torture rack

“I’m oh so tired” she said

As she threw herself onto one of the beds.

 

Seven vertically challenged men of the drug-dealing sort

Stumbled in after a day in court

They scuffed their feet as they walked

And swore and cursed as they talked

“Who’s been eating my porridge” one exclaimed

They shook their heads. “Stupidity” He had been rightfully named.

“That’s the wrong fairy tale you stupid mutt”

And with that they kicked him in the butt.

 

They crept up the creaky stairs

And saw that someone had answered their prayers

For there in the largest bed

Snow black did lay her head.

The girl with lustrous black hair and skin so white

Made the men begin to fight

“Finders-keepers, she’s mine” Glutton said

To which pride replied “Over my dead…”

 

Snow Black awoke with such a start

And pushed the tiny men apart.

“Now, now no need to bout”

She eased her lips in a pout.

“There’s plenty of me to go around

And I only charge an hour for 10 pound”

The stumpy men looked to one another

And offered her smack for what they couldn’t give to each other.

 

Snow Black hastily agreed

Soon she found it was only heroin she did need

She began spanking the men a little too rough

If they didn’t bring her back her stuff

The men became weary and soon became irate

“Lets kick the whore out” But it was far too late.

For that very night they found in the bath

An over dosed snow white with a certain dwarf named wrath.

 

They buried the girl in their heroin cave

The very one in which they used to slave

And there they left her body to rot

But from then on they never forgot

They shed no tear for the damned

After all it had all been planned

At one evil stepmothers command

To make her the fairest in all the land.