Sleeping not so Beautiful
Once upon a Saturday afternoon
A King and Queen were conceiving in a river in June.
They were told by a dear fairy friend,
That it was the biggest trend
Problem was there was a rather unfortunate fate
For into the river local villages dumped their toxic waste
Out of the river a dying frog did cry.
You’ll have a baby but she will quickly die.
The Queen grew pregnant and a child she bore
But when the baby was born the King did abhor.
For she was quite plain with and extra arm and not the beauty he foresaw.
The girl was nothing pretty, boring and plain
Although as she grew older she was vain
She held a mirror in her hands at all every moment of every day
“You’re a sexy bitch” she would repeatedly say.
Her sixteenth birthday approached fast
“Oh how quickly sixteen years have passed
We should celebrate it with style” a fairy friend said
They then decided on fancy dress instead.
The princess looked repulsive dressed as a French maid
“Don’t let her talk to me” many of the young princes prayed.
For of the ugly chick they really were quite afraid.
Twelve fairies marched in gifts in hand
“To my God Daughter Gertrude – you’ll understand”
As she handed over a plastic banana shaped thing
That vibrated and made a sound like a phone ring
The fairies then cast upon her there good luck spells
And gifts of plastic surgery vouchers and cheap motels.
An hour after the party had been set to begin
And old wretched hag with a finger up her nose hobbled her way in.
“No invite for the thirteenth fairy then?”
And shoved her finger back in again.
For this was the senile mother of King Ken.
“Since I’ve not been invited by this fool
I am going to curse you my little jewel”
As she pointed at Princess Gertrude
Who was now storming away in a teenage mood
“Mother you’re not really magic”
“Oh my, isn’t that tragic”
As the old hag took the nearest chair
And grabbed poor Princess Gertrude by the hair
She beat her repeatedly round the head
“Don’t worry the little shit isn’t dead”
The good twelfth fairy said “My present is she’ll be in a coma instead”
A hundred years went on and Princess Gertrude lay
In a glass case in a tower on display.
A huge dragon guarded the tower
Waiting for unexpected tourist to devour
Maids dealt with the Princesses bodily needs
Which included changing her nappy when she peed
They worked day and night to keep her alive
Even though they were assured by the doctor she would never revive
The king and queen moved far away
Claiming they couldn’t bare to see their child decay
Fact is they died on a skiing holiday.
One fateful night a husky man road through the forest
Known by many as the great knight Sir Boris.
On his toy horse he rode
Squishing the prophetic, earlier mentioned, toad
He went to see the castle in which he was told
He would see a sleeping girl more beautiful than he could behold
He got to the dragon and charmed him well
It let him through after blushing at his large “bell”
He made his way up the miniature fort
And saw his prize was ugly and short.
But he decided he’d do her anyway just for sport.
The sex was quick with the comatose girl
But every time he saw her face he felt like he needed to hurl.
The maids walked in as he pulled his todger out
And all wanted him as they’d gone so long without.
Unfortunately for them sex with Gertrude had turned him gay.
But he couldn’t just turn the girls away
“We’ll open a brothel that’d solve the prob”
With that he put away his nob.
Then later that fateful July
The Princess did then die.
For no one was there by her side.
The whorehouse was a huge success
And the handsome knight did soon confess
His love for the dragon that lived by that tower
And so took him a bunch of flowers
There relationship was long and good
And he never had to worry about loosing wood
The money was reeling in for the camp knight.
He had it all. A loving husband, and an amazing life
Whores in his house and man in his beds.
With only the occasional load of meds.
And then he died of AIDS.